I am midnight drunk by noon
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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