Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I intend to get homeless drunk
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Randomize
