I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
