My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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