and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
