Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
