turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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