why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
