i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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