How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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