What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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