LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
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