Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
