called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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