I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
