Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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