oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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