If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
