Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
