I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
