I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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