That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
