Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
