bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
