i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
