the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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