oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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