two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
