bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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