So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
