Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
