I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
