Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
