I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
