Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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