after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
