Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Is it because I queefed?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
