I like to think it a success when the cops are called
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
