btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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