I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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