My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
