If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
