the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
