I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I didn't notice because vodka
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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