My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
