...so i touched it.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Drunk is not a location!
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize