he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
