Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
