operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
