i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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