oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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