You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Dick very happy bro
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
