Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize