This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
