At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
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