Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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