her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
how does that bad decision feel?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
