i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Even my vagina gasped.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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