What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
