you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize