She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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