SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
