How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
