We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I have fence marks all over my body
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
