The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
