I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
