I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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