lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
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