It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize