is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
