To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
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