eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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