that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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