have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
