im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
time to smoke my breakfast
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
