I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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