So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
You're earring is so big in my mouth
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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