I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
