I want to stick my p in your. b.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
