I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Come see our sink grown plant.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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