it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Say something about gay babies.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Randomize