Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
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