What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
