If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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