I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize