...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
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