that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
