so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
