once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
