The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
