I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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