she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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