This girl is more easily done than said...
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
