if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
