I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize