2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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