biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I look excited, but its just a facade.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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