my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
