We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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