i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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