my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I'm both gender and math confused
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
