Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
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