never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
