if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Randomize
