You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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