I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
